New Adventures

After 15 years of marriage, I am separated. In the state I live in, you have to be separated a year before you are granted a divorce. It's a mandatory purgatory. Being semi single is very stressful. When I was happily married, I never really looked at who was around me. I have been known to be oblivious to flirting, eye contact, and smiles. Now I have started paying attention, and it makes my very anxious. I am still pretty oblivious to flirting and such, but just seeing individual people instead of the crowd is horrifying. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like to be looked at. I want to have someone in my life to help me relax and make me smile, but I don't want to meet new people...it is scary. I made a profile on a dating website. It is a little easier to "talk" to someone that way, but I was a nervous wreck every time I left the house that someone would recognize me from my picture online and approach me, so I deleted my profile. I did meet a few people on there though, and I am still talking to one guy. I am definitely happy with my decision to get a divorce. It was past time for that to happen. I do not like being single though. I think I liked it better when the crowd was a crowd and not individual people. I want to go back into hiding...I am not a very adventurous person, I guess.